Covert Abusers:

Understanding the Tactics and Finding Help:

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Covert abusers are individuals who use subtle, manipulative, and controlling behaviors to exploit and harm their partners or other victims. Unlike overt abusers, who may use physical violence or explicit threats, covert abusers often operate under the radar, making it difficult for their partners to recognize the abuse.

Here are 10 common tactics used by covert abusers, along with examples:

1. Gaslighting: Manipulating someone into doubting their own perceptions, memories, or sanity. Example: "You're just being paranoid, I never said that."

2. Emotional Blackmail: Using guilt, self-pity, or threats to control someone's behavior. Example: "If you really loved me, you'd do this for me."

3. Projection: Attributing one's own negative behaviors or feelings to someone else. Example: "You're the one who's always flirting with others, not me."

4. Minimization: Downplaying the severity or impact of one's own abusive behaviors. Example: "It was just a joke, don't be so sensitive."

5. Blame-Shifting: Transferring responsibility for one's own actions onto someone else. Example: "You made me do it, you're the one who's always nagging me."

6. Emotional Unavailability: Withholding emotional support, intimacy, or validation to control someone's behavior. Example: "I'm not going to talk to you until you apologize."

7. Financial Control: Controlling access to financial resources, such as bank accounts or credit cards. Example: "You can't have access to the bank account, you'll just waste the money."

8. Isolation: Limiting someone's social interactions or access to support networks. Example: "You don't need to see your friends, they're a bad influence."

9. Playing the Victim: Portraying oneself as the victim in a situation to gain sympathy and control. Example: "You're always so mean to me, I'm the one who's really suffering."

10. Love Bombing: Showering someone with excessive attention and affection in order to gain control and manipulate their emotions. Example: "I love you so much, I just want to be with you all the time."

If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, there are resources available to help:

- National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233)

- National Dating Abuse Helpline (1-866-331-9474)

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